


You Are Not A Robot

by Qpenguin98



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Aromantic, Aromantic Dirk, Aromantic Dirk Strider, Asexual Character, Asexual Jake, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Sadstuck, Strider Feels, THE TITLES NOT A SENTENCE IN THE FIC AHH, and also ace jake i think you mean yes, i headcanon it too hard, oh look self indulgence, welp, whooP
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-14
Updated: 2015-01-14
Packaged: 2018-03-07 12:59:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3174356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Qpenguin98/pseuds/Qpenguin98
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because you love him, but you love him like you love Jane and Roxy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Are Not A Robot

Your name is Dirk Strider and you like to think you love Jake English. But that's the problem, isn't it? That's always been the problem.

You're not really sure if you do.

It's no surprise when anyone says that he's handsome. Dark skin, green eyes, a ridiculously attractive stocky build. He's like, ideal man right there. Served up on a silver fucking platter. And you have him all bundled up nice and pretty for you.

Jake's in love with you. It's not that hard to figure out. Any outsider would be able to tell. Roxy and Jane tease the two of you about it endlessly. But they lump you together. Like you love him just as much as he loves you. Your heart shatters a little because of it.

Because you love him, but you love him like you love Jane and Roxy.

The physical attraction's _definitely_ there, but he's asexual and you respect his boundaries.

So you start trying harder. Because you want to feel those feelings with him. You get a little clingier, let yourself rely on him more often. Shit, you even Google tips on how to be a better fucking boyfriend for him. At least Jake seems happy with you. He smiles a little brighter, like there's some weight lifted off of him, and your insides crack again.

If this was new, you'd just explain it to him and (hopefully) go back to being friends. Simple. But you've dated before, and this always happens. You find them pretty and cute and their tendencies are adorable so you date. But you don't feel that generic American Dream love spark with anyone.You always say I love you back though. And they end up hating you for it in the end, never to speak to you after the break up.

So you don't want that to happen with you and Jake. You really really really don't want to lose the person that knows you inside out. But you're known for your straight-faced jokes, so straight-faced love lies can't be much different. Right?

Evidently, they are different.

Jake drags you into another viewing of Avatar and you concede without much of a fuss. He's practically bouncing with excitement, even though he's seen it somewhere around fifty times. You laugh at him and shove him onto the couch, plopping down right beside him.

The movie starts and he snuggles up next to you, popcorn bowl balanced precariously on both pairs of legs.

You wonder if he likes this movie so much because the main character's name is Jake. Maybe he imagines he's there on Pandora.

You've gotten increasingly anxious during this whole movie watching experience and you're not sure why. Jake's had to snap you back from staring at the screen more than once and you can see the worry on his features.

When the movie reaches that really weird part where Jake and Neytiri do their cultural romance mating thing, the tsaheylu or whatever it's called, your throat seizes and your mouth spits out words before you can think.

"I can't give you that."

Jake looks up at you, confused. "Well I'd, I'd certainly hope not! For one, I'm definitely not a Na'vi so I wouldn't be able to feel it, and for two, I'm fairly certain you're not eith-"

"No I mean that. What they've got going on right there. That intimacy stuff."

"If you're telling me you're asexual you do know I'm-"

"It's not that!"

"Then what is it Dirk!"

You look at him looking at you. He looks so damn confused and your eyes start watering and why the fuck did you agree to taking your shades off around him because everything just flipped in his expression and he's trying to hug you but you can't let yourself get wrapped in him you don't deserve it.

You've got your arms wrapped around yourself and Jake's hands are stopped in midair in front of you.

"I c-can't love you," and fuck the way you stutter and crack when you're scared. "I don't know wh-y and I'm trying really really really hard and I can't I can't I'm s-s-so sorry Jake I'm sorry you g-got stuck with some robot boyfriend that can't oh f-fuck god I'm so sorry."

Your eyes are squeezed shut because you can't look can't look because he'll be so-

"Dirk." It's softer than you expect.

"Please look at me?" You shake your head a few times.

Then there's a soft hand that accompanies the soft voice tipping your head up. "Come on now Dirk."

You open one eye cautiously. There's a smile on his face for some ungodly reason. His eyes look pained but he's not yelling at you so that's something new. For this part at least.

"I get it."

He what?

"Did you really think I'd flip out at you about something this serious?"

You don't say anything and his eyebrows scrunch up.

"Oh Dirk you idiot."

He kisses your forehead and something inside you breaks open because you can _tell_ how much this hurts him. And that's the exact opposite of what you want. You grab him forward and sob into his shirt because you're-

"-so fucking sorry I'm so s-sorry."

"Hey no, you stop that Dirk. Relationships aren't good if they're just one-sided you know that as well as I do."

You nod into his shirt, trying to tell yourself it'll be okay.

"I'm just going to make a mad guess and say this has happened before?"

You nod again, because what else are you going to do?

"Did you know there's a term for that?"

"...what."

His arms seem to tighten around you. "Oh geez Dirk you must feel awful."

You snort. That's an understatement.

"Alright then let me explain this. So there's asexual, like me, right? No sex, but I do romance. Obviously. But there's a mirror there for romance. Aromantic! And honestly it fits your case here pretty well. I'd been suspecting but I didn't want to offend you with it or anything if I was wrong. But I'm quite sure I'm right. But you're the final judge. After all, this is about you here."

There's a moment of silence before he clears his throat. "I still love you, but I understand you don't want a relationship, so I'd still like to be friends. Unless you need space, I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

You about slap him, because fuck Jake you idiot of course you want to be friends. "We're best friends man," you choke out. "You wanna throw years down the drain like that?"

He snickers against your ear. "What do you take me for, Strider?"

You just sit there for a while. The movie's over, but Jake doesn't seem to care, so neither do you.

"I'm still sorry."

He flicks your ear. "Don't be."

**Author's Note:**

> heh\  
> i wrote this while visciously subtweeting my friend because hes acting awful and yeah  
> the titles from a marina and the diamonds song  
> i listened to it while writing this  
> soo  
> ye  
> I HEADCANON DIRK TOO HARCORE


End file.
